doin the cockroach.

im so angry.
today i am a ball of fury.
i am livid and frustrated and agro to the max.
last night he wouldnt stop the car.
so for the second night we've slept alone.
and for the first night.
i dreamt of him.
kissing him in public.
i woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
upset and slightly excited.
i could still smell his skin in my head.
and for a moment i felt ashamed.
and then.
just as fast.
it was gone.
and i was left with a weft of pleasure.
which turned to resentment then to shear bitterness.
all this shit.
i work for seems pointless.
i have exasperated all my reasonable resources to be positive.
and i have reached my limit.
i want to scream at everyone.
i want to rip my skin off
just to prove to people that my blood is red.
and i am alive.
i am alive and i am angry.
ive got nothing to stand on but my pride.
i have become the pawn of someone elses emotions.
the response to others sentences.
i am a verb.
misused and misconstrued.
i am no longer, just me.
my identity has been absorbed by my want to be something.
someone elses, something.
his something.
and in the process.
down the road.
i have become cynical and jade toward the idea.
i am disgusted with the thought.
share a bed.
share a name.
why dont keep it simple and just
share the pain.
as far as i can tell.
its all down.
from here.
and there i am.
drowning in this fucking ocean.
with my mouth wide open.


Anonymous said...

I felt exactly this way about someone not very long ago. It ended badly, or, rather, not at all, and it still stings. Just know that there are those who share your pain, and know it all too well.