my aim is true.

i remember me.
and all these things that make up a memory.
things we often turn to forget.
the people.
the faces.
bluring the lines between the things that we keep only to regret.
we all been throught the night with movies and low light.
crying through the good fight.
trying to hit the big one
even if only for tonight.
throwing down the bottle.
trying to be a good girl.
given them what they want.
when all the while we are relishing the thought.
of leaving it all behind.
starting over from the grind.
reworking the plot.
editing the lines.
scripted apologies.
thank yous in reprive.
holding your breath.
pretending to breathe.
these are all the things i cant shake.
this place.
is strange.
theres nothing familar about feeling content.
ive always been searching. and uneasy.
before their was a void.
not being able to think of what to say.
stumbling over words.
they listen anyway.
and everyone wants to be like that.
you just want to have a good time just like everybody else.
you dont really want to fall apart .
teach yourself resistance.
hesitate is the quickest way to meditation.
and thats the fastest road to hell.
losing yourself in the mess.
stretching your skin to the point of distress.
i just want to have a good time.
just like everybody else.
i dont wanna fall apart this time.
can you show me how you live.
how you walk the way you do.
how to distance yourself from everything in your empty heart.
we are a lot a like.
you and me and she.
we all want to live long and prosper.
they all want to aid in our demise.
sleep next to you
wake up and your gone.
fool you once.
shame on me.
fool you twice.
this ones on you.
over and over.
she says the same things.
reach hoping searching scraping
you dredge the bottom.
hoping for gold.
and all you find is your soul.
and what is left of it.
after you given it to this city that you love.
is that your holier than thou ticket from above.
ive got nothing to add.
nothing to share.
and id rather not bother.
honestly i dont care.
but i do have things inside my head.
and if you ask im sure some of them relate to you.
these thoughts can turn to words.
and the words can cut like knives.
and come soon ill be willing to chop you down.
and i promise.
my aim is true.

funny feelings

i dont think i really have a good grip on reality.
im realistic.
but then again there are things about this city.
that seem so completely unreal.
im slowly coming to terms with the fact that this is the way its mean to be.
and ive got this funny feeling that nothing is ever gonna change.
stupid little things people do.
people say.
the way they sound across a crowded room.
the records they choose to play.
i try thinking back to the days where there was nothing to do but yell.
and scream at everyone and everything.
throat and heart raw.
ive arrived to the point where my nightlife is not quite.
and my daylight is spent indoors.
my angst against those who choose the street grows.
its just that every ones trying to be.
they all want in.
one on top of the other.
wall to wall.
plastic glasses on top of two wheels.
you've all got options, opinions, contradictions galore.
you'd give up everything you believe in.
for a space on the dance floor.
two roads diverged in a yellow wood.
and im sorry but.
ive got a funny feeling about them both.



i work to much.
far too much.
i dont remember what my couch feels like at 3pm.
i have no idea how the beautiful the sunset out my bedroom window on a tuesday.
i work far far too much.
for what i believe.
is what ive concieved.
im doing it for the cause.
but its because of the cause.
that i feel so lost.
so wasted.
so left behind.

ive lost myself along with my mind.
even more that i had before.
and all i can think about is the after.
and what i was doing before.

if it wasnt for the dream.
if the fact wasnt c.r.e.a.m
then i kiss is all goodbye
but here in the city.
here in this town.
its fed or get eatin.
ballin vs. broke.
stupid couture.
idiot savont.

i just want to be happy.
and home before 5.
i want to be able to clock in and out on the same day.
i miss recess i want to go play.
there has to be a solution.
i have to find my niche.
in this natural habitat ive grown so jaded with.
im an endangered species.
the last of my kind.
save me.