vague attempts

im prodding and prying my way through this.
he feel so frustrated.

he feels.
he feel so neglected.
and overwhelmed.

i a child.
negilent in my quest to pretend.
dressing up.
a situation.
the black tie affair.

soemtime i forget how it started.
who i was.
or pretended to be.
who exactly it was he fell in love with.
where is she.

who was that girl.
if he only knew.

different i have become.
constantly changing.

honestly and raw.

in the morning.
and at night.

is not for him.
he hates me.

he eyes cast daggers.
his tongue a sword.

such cold wind blows between us.
what once was warmth is nothing more than anger.
and resentment.

no lust
no passion.
just responsibility.
and exasperation.


i refuse to let this end me.
deter what i know.
i breaks me.
i feel so wrong to be me.
i strive to change.
and to not entertain.
what suits me most.
i want to mold.
i want to fit.
i want this to be it.

but it may just be over.


tis a pity she's a whore.

all apologoizes.
for so long.
my fingers have lingered to far away from theses keys.
focus and formitable.
ive been shifting my way through this season.

this semester has come and went.
ive learned that
i have so much potentail.
and the possiblity to change.
i have learned that
i have no tolerance.
and rudeness.
people insensitive to others.

i am soft.
and forgiving.
and true.

some times with him its all up in the air.
often he turns foul.
uses his words to keep me at bay.
but is this what its made of?
some good and some worse.
are we really just along for the ride?
how do you know.
and what makes it real.
and where exactly is that sand.
and the line.
how faint its drawn.
i can barely tell.
whether the weather is better over there.
or with him.
or alone.

is it.
to try to be someone else.
tiring it is fitting in a mold
bending yourself to break out of something.
to be someone knew.

who are you.
once youve decided to give up.
once its time to jump ship.
how is it.
that your heart can be placed on hold.
and your head.
becomes the center of it all.

i want so badly.
and ive said it before.
so badly for this to be it.
i hold so tight.
white knucked.
to the idea.
that one day we'll be satisfied.
with each other as we are.

not more.
whys this and hows that.
and if you or could we if onlys and maybe.

i just wnat smooth sailing.
reassurance the truth.
i want to be able to enjoy you.
enjoying me.
enjoying myself.

help me let this be.