she is it.

so tired.
so hungover.
i have yet to pick up a book and.
study for my math final.
which is in.
4 hours.
the last time i had a math test.
it took me 2 hours.
and a panic attack to finish it.
although i know.
that math is the worst possible subject for me.
and i should be diligent in my pursuit of education.
but i am distracted and hungover as usual.

last night.
i got home.
the man was at work.
usually on my "me nights" as he calls them.
id sit at home.
with the dogs.
burn a few.
and watch my television.
munch out to some terrible fast food.
i love me nights.
but last night.
i accidentally got drunk.
since ive decided that i.
as a lady.
as a person.
as a civilized human being.
should not drink liquor.
it makes me crazy.
and emotional.
and horny.
a terrible combination.
i want to fight.
and cry.
so i dont.

on my way home.
i stop at my friendly neighborhood market.
for some beer.

which, speaking of.
i love the museum district.
after i moved from the fan.
i thought i would die without Strawberry St Market.
but now.
there are three adorable.
lil markets.
on each side of my apartment.

one is run by a very sweet Indian couple.
the wife is always on the phone.
and the husband always stuffs.
shitloads of candy in my bag.
and tells me how pretty i am.
they are beautiful.
i must remind myself to send them a card.

and then there's the other market.
run my an azian family.
and the dad who knows my order.
Stella and Camel lights?
they also have a son.
who is adorably azian.
and is always wearing some
obscure social reference tee shirt.
and gets the flush when i say " bye cutiepie"
but they never have ice.
and finally.

Patterson st.
its cute.
and quaint.
and there's always some burn out.
playing death metal behind the counter.
secretly undressing me with his/her eyes.
and they always have ice.

i love my hood.


so i buy beer.
and i come home.
and i think about calling my mother.
but i know that that would take way to long.
and im way to sober.
so i sit on the couch.
and watch whale wars hd.
and i drink.
and drink.
and drink.
and i am drinking.
and the bottles are going.
and i am drunk.
in my house.
with my dogs.
it is 7 pm.

my phone rings.
and i am in shock and awe.
it is a dear friend.
from a different life.
and she is calling me.
she is drunk.
and she apologizes.
and i am drunk.
and i am happy.
she is amazing.
and beautiful and brilliant.
the last time we hung out.
had to be over 2 years ago.
and im sure it involved.
cocaine and whiskey.

and now that she has moved away.
and i have moved on.
she happened to find herself.
in her car.
on her phone.
dialing my number.

and we talked into the wee hours.
about our lives.
and how they are so normal.
and how we hate that.
and our men.
who are so normal.
and how they hate us.
and our past and our present.
putting emphasis on time.
and focusing on strength.
it felt good.
felt good to know that out there.
there are real fucking people.
people who i love.
and have never forgot.
people who have changed.
yet still remember my name.

our lives seem to mirror one another.
and our outlooks on the world.
and ourselves.
couldn't be more similar.
and now that we are older.
and harder.
we realize.
that some times.
its okay to just stand still.
where we are.
in our shoes.
its okay to just be here.

and here we are.
two little girls.
and emotional.
we are amazing.
we are going to change the world.
we are going to love so hard.

my night went.
from me night.
to she night.
pouring our hearts into pitchers.
reassuring each other that.
this too shall pass.
and for what its worth.
this is it.

i love her.
i love you.
she is family.
she is life.
she is it.


niCk (Mem Beth) said...

human life = pointless primate struggle to reproduce your genes, followed by much empty posturing and mediocrity, what is the point?

Glad you stopped by.....

-- t h i s * i s * i t

Meade Skelton said...

I like the way you write. Its almost like a Haikou.

BC said...

come over for some meth gbs

Brie said...

i have one of those girls too--she lives in brooklyn and when she comes to visit she makes me forget who i should be and i remember who i am. :)