reincarnation.

sometimes i dream im dying.

and then in my dreams i am awakened.
refreshed.
renewed.

crisp and pleated.





colorful and asymmetrical.



clothes to me are a love/hate relationship

i love them because they hold my skin.
they show my soul.
they reflect what words and blogs and myspace cant.
they are the ultimate mode of expression.



and yet i loathe.
for me.
fickle and cheap.
always trying to retain the unsustainable.
living under and above my means.
never inbetween.

out of all the outfits.
that i once saw fit to be.
in all the closet ive begged borrowed and stole.
all the shoes ive worn down to the soul.


there are so many fashions.
i will never attain.
and so many that i love for a day.
then throw away.

i cant quite seem to put my finger on
well,
me.

who i am.
is held together with a whip stitch.





just the same as i constantly search for myself.
i am constantly searching for a representative of myself.



i want to be able to throw myself over my shoulder
to go to class.
i want to be able to wiggle myself into
a nice straightleged, dark denim me.
i need a warm LP to wear out on the winter nights.
or a soft silky me to slip into by the fire.

something.
anything.
that fits me just right.

i
as a women.
as a fashion.
am nothing if not practical.
i need to be able to blend and bend.



i want it to be simple.
and separate.



muted and brilliant.


character efficient.



visual affective.


and
way below retail price.



as i reach into my wardrobe.
rummage and ravage through cotton/polyester blends.
those old scraps of who i used to be.
scream and shout back.
they say things.
and
as they find their way from hanger to the floor.
i find myself still reaching rummaging ravaging for more.
something different.
brighter.
duller.
longer.
shorter.
tighter.
looser.
a hat.
a scarf.
gloves.

all these things i yearn for to make myself complete.
all of these things my wallet breaks for.
as my common sense and sensibility.
shakes its head in defeat.

If
I die before i wake.
I pray to Lord.
My clothes, dont take.