this weather is insane.
45 days till spring.
and i can feel it sprouting underneath me.
yesterday i wore no coat.
short skirt.
arms out.
today glove and a scarf.
there was snow.

we are all going to die.

im tumbling from one thing to another now.
going from this to that.
putting emphasis on certain words.
collecting phrases.
like news paper clippings.
collaging my life.

im drawing myself out.

ive been a glutton for planning.
over eating the future.
shoving so many ideas down my throat.
i am full to the brim with expectations.
im sure ill start stuttering soon.
mind going faster than mouth.

im going to do things.
im going to take iniative.
im going to change the world.

ive got this itch.
this what if.
has been making me sick.
im nauseous at the thought.
what am i to do.
i wait.
i sit still.
i watch this.
i feel so bad inside.
it hurts me.
it burns my soul.
i am steadfast.
and loyal.

i am young and fickle.
i am poorly put together.
and unreliable as fuck.
i am bound to break.
im just waiting.
and im so scared.
absolutely frightened.
for this.

my life is fucking insane.
it is never the same.
i make bad decisions.
i leap before i think.
and i drink until i jump.

i am going to ruin something great one day.
im going to drag this.
through the mud.
im going to get on my hands and knees.
im going to beat this horse to death.
im just waiting for the right time.
ive got to get out of this.
ive got to shed my skin.
i have no idea who i am.
or where ill be.

but im heading directly in that direction.

moving forward.
because thats the way.
things are going.