I used to think about immature things... like do you love me, do you want me, are you gonna call me? is this really your phone number?

ah.
those were the days.
when it was that simple.
just as plain.
as basic questions.
elementary rules.

check yes.
circle no.
meet me at the swings.

now that im over the handle bars.
i find myself constantly searching.
for that intrigue.

i am afraid of aging.
yet.
i am bored.
with my youth.

i want so badly to think of myself.
as younger.
fresh.
but i am slowly realizing.
that i am dated.
cool but not in.
retro.
vintage.
soon to be an antique.

one day.
kids will pull me.
from their grandmothers attic.
they will rummage me.
from the Goodwill.
haggle me.
at swap meets.
ill be auctioned off to sell.

'86 was a good year.


but as for now.
as for today.
i must come to terms.
with what at bay.

the calender.
the clock.

inevitability.
and what not.

so now.
this is me.
i am an adult.
doin grown folk things.
making grown folks decisions.
whatever the hell that means.

i have a saving account.
insurance.
rent paid on time.
bachelors degree in the making.
full time job.
crocheting.
volunteering.
when i have the time.
oh.
less we forget.
and.

him.

so as it appears.
i am far from the playground.
it seems.
these four corners.
have a lease.

this merry go round.
runs on a meter.

this game of tug of war.
has no release.


where exactly are we.
when we.
get.
here.

what else.
do we have left.

how are we supposed to create.
a memory.
when we feel like.
we have no more space left?

when do we start.
making them disappear.
blocking them out.
deleting them.
as we go?

how long before.
we shove me.
in the closet.

pass me on.
to those we know?

how do i know.
when im part of the china cabinet.
and heirloom.
the decor.

to be honest.

who i am.
is.
held together.
by a whip stitch.

hand sewin.
with detail.
moth balled.
slept with.
slowly splitting.
at the seams.

oh so.
intricate design.
but shitty work.
behind the scenes.

you get.
what you pay for.
and in these days.
that's not much.

so ill hold off.
on that appraisal.
in hopes with time.
my market.
opens up.

cause one day.
ill be a relic.

this black diamond.
in the rough.