doin the cockroach.

im so angry.
today i am a ball of fury.
i am livid and frustrated and agro to the max.
last night he wouldnt stop the car.
so for the second night we've slept alone.
and for the first night.
i dreamt of him.
kissing him in public.
i woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
upset and slightly excited.
i could still smell his skin in my head.
and for a moment i felt ashamed.
and then.
just as fast.
it was gone.
and i was left with a weft of pleasure.
which turned to resentment then to shear bitterness.
all this shit.
everything.
i work for seems pointless.
i have exasperated all my reasonable resources to be positive.
and i have reached my limit.
sometimes.
somedays.
i want to scream at everyone.
i want to rip my skin off
just to prove to people that my blood is red.
and i am alive.
i am alive and i am angry.
ive got nothing to stand on but my pride.
i have become the pawn of someone elses emotions.
the response to others sentences.
i am a verb.
misused and misconstrued.
i am no longer, just me.
my identity has been absorbed by my want to be something.
someone elses, something.
his something.
and in the process.
down the road.
i have become cynical and jade toward the idea.
i am disgusted with the thought.
share a bed.
share a name.
why dont keep it simple and just
share the pain.
as far as i can tell.
its all down.
hell from here.
and there i am.
drowning in this fucking ocean.
with my mouth wide open.