consequences and repercussions.

sometimes i do things.
like right now.
im about to do something
i know in a few weeks
im going to regret.
but i live today.
and im going to do this.
and regardless of the consequences and repercussions.

i have been known to make choices.
that arent exactly well thought out.
but this one i feel like is
the best way
out of a bad situation.
and i guess we shall see.


last weekend.
we went out to dinner
with my married friends.
it was a rare occasion
to have him out as well.
he was quiet.
bored of sorts.
there are times where i feel like
i over power us.
i stand out he blends in.
im big hes small.
im loud hes not.
you get the picture.
the dinner was lovely.
and we laughed and sipped wine.
and ate hibachi and yum yum sauce.
and then went home
and were glad we werent married.
or trying to hard.

sunday.
by far the best day out recent accounts.
i spent the morning baking and cleaning.
and riding my bike back and forth from the store.
eventually.
my home was filled with boys.
hooping and hollering.
and clapping and eating and drinking.
Redskins win.
i am asleep.
after half time i slipped into
a wings/weed/Stella coma.
but i was awaken by light kisses on my cheek
and a whisper of thank yous and i love yous.
still debating if it was a dream
i smiled in my sleep.

oh but.
yes.
then there is him.
him whom i see in my dreams.
he who i spend my days.
wondering for searching about.
waiting.
silently.
questioning everything.
are you there?
is this it?
do you know?
something's brewing.
and here i am.
im steady stirring the pot.
and im worried that this time.
it just might boil over.

but still.
despite my lack of
rational decisions making
and self control
my lust and arrogance.

lately things have been normal.
moderate.
matter of fact.
although i feel like if i go through with it.
things could either take a turn for the better.
or the worst.




oh well.
we shall see.