its dark and hell is hot.

im paranoid.
nervous and on edge.
for some reason.
unbeknownst to me.
i keep feeling like something dreadful is about to happen.
i look towards the sky and see clouds.
behind me shadows.
people whisper and i know its about me.
last night as i was sleeping.
trying to force dreams into my head.
i do that.
i lay away.
i stare at him.
and i think up all this wonderful ideas.
small thoughts.
like tomorrow and the days ahead.
i pretend like we just met.
and this is the first time.
and im nervous and eager to please.
but then my mind fades from those pleasant illusions.
leading me down the road less traveled.
for obvious reasons.
goddamn.
i just want to relax.
i feel like ive got the voodoo.
under my skin.
i can feel it growing.
i see it manifesting its self in my daily routine.
that anger.
that fear.
and they all see it.
friends and strangers alike.
it in my hair.
on my face.
in my head.
under my feet.
in my bed.
the fear.
of what.
i cant find it.
ive searched the files and drawers of my life.
ive ransacked my history.
clean out my emotional attic.
and still.
it lingers.
it waits.
for no reason.
its there.
i live with this.
this night terror in day light.
this "something doesn't feel right."
out out damn spot.
and deeper it goes.
and it waits
until dark.