the mist.

my head is cloudy.
clogged and i cant think.
i cant move things around or
form sentences that make sense.
i am sick.
i feel like a zombie.
walking dead among the doomed.
i cant imagine.
the rest of today.
tonight.
what to do.
what to say.
"oh yeah that cool"
or
"wow, i know right. You too?"
how many awkward situations must i be in.
how many time must i drink my way into conversations.
how many time must i fade into the background.
pretending like i wouldn't rather be.
anywhere but there.
as much as in the past.
ive tried to convince myself
that these are my friends.
but.
they aren't like me.
or us.
all of them.
they look different.
talk different.
love different.
my jokes are good ones.
yet they are reluctant to laugh.
i am not an elitist.
no matter how close it is to grasp.
my priorities.
have changed.
yet my name stays the same.
and i still
i see right through them.
even with my foggy brain.