and then some.

i remember when we first hung out.
i walked from my apartment.
and almost turned around twice.
you lived farther than i thought.
you waited for me
with your roommate on your porch.
black hoodie.
camo hat.
yes.
i remember you hugged me
and it felt like we were kissing.
ha.
oh yeah.
remember how.
you smoked weed to impress me.
and i didnt to impress you.
you were sweet and funny.
i was pretty and slutty.
we watched the hills have eyes.
and you smiled the whole time.
you were stoned.
and i pretended to be scared.
and you laughed and we talked about rap.
your dogs.
your room.
you kissed me first
and i was surprised.
you tasted like cheetos.
before we knew it.
its was 2 am.
i tried to go home.
and you said stay the night.
you promised you wouldnt try to do me.
and you didnt.
thanks.
and your right.
its true.
i was in love with you after day one.
because you got it like that.
and as much as i try to fight it.
you still do.

It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.

so this morning.
i get to work.
im at work.
and im just
you know
doin the things in my job description.
eating breakfast.
watering the plants.
checking my email profusely.
lallygagging on the internet.
making coffee.
well attempting to make coffee.
i got the water.
put the filter and the grounds in the basket.
placed it back on the coffee maker.
pressed the button.
and walked away.
time elapses.
my boss goes to get her coffee.
and for some reason there is none brewing.
we stand back, scratch our heads.
and curse Hamilton Beach ™
that is until we realize.
i haven't put the water in.
we laugh and say she says
"oh everyone has those mornings"
i laugh, she laughs, i make the damn coffee.

now things like this
don't happen to me often.
and by often i mean more than 5 times a week.
but when they do
i cant help but think
its all because i smoke weed.
although i dont smoke anywhere close to as much as i used to.

my relationship with mary jane is a true one.
she has been the closest person to me for years.
we used to do everything together.
wake up.
munch out.
we'd watch Cartoon Network
and LOST
and msnbc
and laugh about how angry
Keith Olbermann gets a republicans.
silly keith.
we'd play with the dogs .
and nap.
and go to bars.
and sleep in late.

me and mary were like two buds in a blunt.
although recently .
ive cut back to only taking rips on the weekends
instead of getting blasted
all day.
everyday.
and i can admit that even though
food doesn't taste as good.
and keith isnt as funny.
my head does feel much cleaner.
clearer.

so i guess
i cant directly relate all my fuck ups
and foibles to being roasted.
but.
still it makes me wonder.
if this is my brain now
today
sober.
then what was so wrong with
my brain on drugs?