done and done.

i honestly.
dont know how much longer we can do this.
i find myself struggling.
to find reasons to stay.
and you.
and your arrogance.
you shine your light so bright.
and i.
in my defiance.
will do everything in my power to put it out.

how did we get here?
and.
where do we go?

i find myself asking that question all day.
over and over.
this is not the first.
can not be the last.
or is it?

this is survival of the fittest.
kill or be killed.
love or get left behind.

and ive tried.
ive strived.
ive pushed myself to change.
and it seems like anything i do.
everything i am.
is not what im supposed to be.
i am not supposed to be me.

and i just dont understand.
how i let myself get here.
how i let myself fall so far into this.
and you.
as much as i want to be here.
and as much as id like to be her.
i dont think i can.

i twist my words.
and bite my tongue.
toss and turn at night.
my lungs are sore.
my face is blue.
from holding my breath.
till our next fight.


it makes me sick to my stomach.
to think about my life.
different than it is.
sans you.
and yet.
it make me sick to my stomach.
to think about my life.
the same was it has been.
cold and alone.
trying to love someone so hard it hurts.
breaking myself into to pieces.
over my heart.
shedding my skin.
and growing up.
this is real.

im always sitting down.
because i cant stand you.
you and your opinions.
and your remarks.
and me and my fury.
and my teen angst.


leaves us here.
not wanting to say words.
not wanting to lay close.
not wanting to be the first to say.




things are ok.
not great.
not great.
not okay.
getting worse.


and despite all the.
this is what its about.
and sometimes its hard.
and you gotta put in a lil work.

i feel like my work here is done.
and done.
she said.

just show me.
tell me.
make me believe that.
this is it.