comes highly recommended.

first things first.

oh yeh.

besides that glory.
this weekend was full of revelations and reassurances.
the first being:

right here.
right now.
is exactly where i need to be.
after years of pulling and prodding.
fussing and fighting.
kicking and screaming.
im finally finished.
done and done.
i have settled in my skin.
and i am ready to move forward.
with my life.
and.
my decisions.
despite all my constant complaining.
and rearranging.

the single best thing to happen to me in my entire lifetime is him.
yes.

i have no idea where or who.
for that matter.
i would be if i hadn't met him.
actually.

i know exactly where id be.

id still be right there.
being that girl.
doing those things.
thats where.
all alone.
in reverse.

now im here.
being a big girl.
doing big girl things.
moving forward.
and it feels real.

and as much as i love a good distraction.
and as much as i revel in a wonderful disaster.
i no longer have the patience or the taste.
to wait on defeat.

this .
is .
it.

all part and partial.

and.
as much as i feel like
im losing myself.
and.
ive turned into
my worst enemy.
and.
i am everything
i never thought i was.
the best and worst .
of my generation.
disintegrating.

yet.
finally.
finally.
finally.
i am completely satisfied.
spending the rest of my life.
under the knife.
under the thumb.
loved and in love.
with or with out.
making myself better.
for the worst.
falling asleep next to my future.
secure.


this is exactly where im supposed to be.