tis a pity she's a whore.

all apologoizes.
for so long.
my fingers have lingered to far away from theses keys.
focus and formitable.
ive been shifting my way through this season.

this semester has come and went.
ive learned that
i have so much potentail.
and the possiblity to change.
i have learned that
i have no tolerance.
stagnation.
and rudeness.
people insensitive to others.

i am soft.
and forgiving.
genuine.
and true.

some times with him its all up in the air.
often he turns foul.
uses his words to keep me at bay.
but is this what its made of?
some good and some worse.
are we really just along for the ride?
how do you know.
and what makes it real.
and where exactly is that sand.
and the line.
how faint its drawn.
i can barely tell.
whether the weather is better over there.
or with him.
or alone.

exhausting.
is it.
to try to be someone else.
tiring it is fitting in a mold
bending yourself to break out of something.
to be someone knew.

who are you.
once youve decided to give up.
once its time to jump ship.
how is it.
that your heart can be placed on hold.
and your head.
becomes the center of it all.

i want so badly.
and ive said it before.
so badly for this to be it.
i hold so tight.
white knucked.
to the idea.
that one day we'll be satisfied.
with each other as we are.

not more.
whys this and hows that.
and if you or could we if onlys and maybe.

i just wnat smooth sailing.
reassurance the truth.
i want to be able to enjoy you.
enjoying me.
enjoying myself.

help me let this be.